I'm Back!!

It's true. I've been gone for a while but I promise I have a good reason. And I have sooooo much to tell you all. I don't even know where to begin.

The day of my last post was the last day of a brutal period at work. I'd been in the office until after 10 PM like 4 nights in a row and it was late nights the whole 3 or 4 weeks prior. Finally, it all ended. I don't know if anyone remembers, but I spoke to my sister Bonnie about a vacation I was planning on taking with a few of my girls. The plans had been made and given the time that I'd been having at work, I never thought that it would ever come. Finally, on Saturday July 19th, we all hopped on a plane and headed down to Miami. I predictably overslept, despite staying at a friend's apartment to ensure that I wouldn't. I'm one of these people who thinks she's dreaming the music. Meanwhile, the alarm is going off and my roommate is in my room shaking me because she heard it across the apartment.

Anyway, we arrived in Miami and there waiting for us at the gate was the Carnival Cruise representative assigned to bring the people on our flight to the port, so that we could leave our bags on the ship and wait to board. We were early, of course. Why were we early? I said to everyone, "Hey, guys, let's get a flight around 11 AM. It'll get us into Miami around 1 PM and they say it's like a 30 minute ride to the port. The ship boards at 2 PM and doesn't leave until 4 or so." Everyone said, "Great idea, Lisa." Everyone, that is, except Donna. Donna said we should get an earlier flight to give ourselves some time, in case something happens. I found out later that Donna's father is like a flight Nazi and only travels in the dark of night or early morning. Anyway, we all listened to Donna and we were actually the first people to get our bags to the ship. I am not exaggerating. Witha guest capacity of 2,758 people, the four of us were passengers one through four. The porter who took our bags actually said, "No one's ever this early."

Minor inconvenience. We got some lunch and waited it out. The ship was gorgeous. The decks were like multi-tieredand the ship looked like it had been carved by an artist. The tiers were so intricate. And the ship was enormous. We didn't really get a sense of how big it was until we got off of it for a shore excursion for the first time. When it's in the dock, you can't see the whole ship. And when you're on the ship, you can't see it. Like the forest for the trees or something proverbial like that. Anyway, our rooms were nice. I roomed with Jessica and Julie roomed with Donna. There wasn't a whole lot to do on the first day until dinner. We waited it out in the rooms and talked for a bit. Figuring that the younger people would request the late dinner, we did the same. Dinner was at 8 PM. They theme these meals also. It's unreal. They are huge 4 course meals. I think the first night was an Italian theme, so they had osso buco and a fra diavolo dish. It was all delicious. There were 12 people at our table. Two young couples traveling together and four other guys. Jessica made friends right away. She made plans to have us all get together later in the night at one of the clubs that they have on board.

The next day was a day at sea and we didn't have to be up early. We ordered a few bottles of wine and drank them all, then ordered another and drank that too. We were supposed to meet our new boyfriends at the bar around 12. They were going to gamble a little bit. Jessica already had her guy picked out. In fact, he was, in her words, "going to have a really good night tonight." Jessica, when she gets drunk, gets like me. Flirtatious but like a thousand times more so. I was passed the flirtatious stage and into the "trying to keep it all down stage." At midnight, we got to the bar and the boys were there waiting. We all sat down and started talking. things sorted themselves out. I ended up with a decent looking boy named Neil. We started talking. They were from Tuscon, AZ. We talked for a bit but I was starting to get dizzy. The alcohol plus the boat rocking back and forth was about to provide for a charming new Lisa story for the repertoire. I excused myself from the table for a moment and all I wanted to do was find the nearest bathroom. I made it out the door of the club and right over to the potted plant, which got an unscheduled introduction to my dinner. I heard laughing behind me and there was Jessica, who'd followed me out to see if I needed help. Her words: "Come on, no one saw. Now get up, I can see right up your skirt." We went back in and finished the night with them. I went back to get some sleep and Jessica made it back around 6 AM. He probably had a pretty good night.

The excursions were really the best part of the whole thing. The first stop was Cozumel, which is on the very tip of the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico. We signed up for a snorkeling thing there. The ocean down there is just like it is in Long Island. Oh, except clean and there's ocean life. There was a beautiful reef there called the Palancar reef. It was gorgeous. There were thousands of fish swimming all around you. At Grand Cayman, we spent a beach day at the Seven Mile Beach. I sent my parents a postcard from "Hell," which is one of the town on Grand Cayman. I knew my dad would get a kick out of it, which he did. In Ocho Rios, Jamiaca, we took a tour of the waterfalls. Ocho Rios, for those of you unfamiliar with extremely remedial Spanish, means eight rivers. As you can imagine with that much water, there are many waterfalls. They were spectacular. You can swim beneath some of the tamer ones. The weather was gorgeous. It rained once, for five minutes and this was cool too. You can actually see the rain move. It started next to the boat, moved across the boat and then was on the other side of the boat. It was really wild.

The food is as advertised. They never stop serving food. Ever. It starts with breakfast, which is a huge meal. Fruit, eggs, breads, waffles, anything. There's a mid-morning snack, a buffet of some kind. More bread, cheese, fruit. There's lunch, which is lighter fare. A mid-afternoon snack with some sweets and some breads and furit and all that stuff. Dinner is an enormous meal and there's a midnight snack. Any time you want food, you can get food. We all ate our faces off, drank like we hadn't seen alcohol in months. Julie even won money in the casino. We were sad to go. We met some great people, including the boys from the first night who turned out to be really good guys. They were our unofficial companions for the trip. We met a couple of great girls from Boston who are going to come down and visit us in the next few months. The cruise ship and staff were wonderful. All the amenities were great. The staff was helpful. And of course, my traveling compainons were the best.

I got home on Sunday night. I had a message from Greg. And I had a message from Matt (my college "friend") which reminds me that I owe you those stories. And you'll get them, so tune in tomorrow.

P.S. I've added some comments to the bottom here, if anyone's reading and has anything to say.

Why I'm The Biggest Retard On Earth

Because Kin of Kin's Kouch, is a guy not a girl. My site has been properly amended and I'm preparing the noose in the garage for this horrendous error.

I'll update you all on last night next week. I'm so very, very tired.

Welcome to the Family

I'll like to make mention of some new additions to the family of links.

First, please be nice to Kin of Kin's Kouch. He's one of the good guys in the world and I love to check in on him to see what's going on in the world of the "someone who should know better". Go say hi to him if you get the chance.

Also, Megan of Page Three joins us. She's got me in her "Blog of the Week" section and she's a sweetheart for doing it. I love to check in on her to see what's going on in her "thoughts on religion, reading, politics and teaching." Please drop in on her if you get the chance.

And, finally, one of those YPR goofballs has started a new blog. So every go visit Senor Wences and check out the "misadventures of a man with a sombrero, purchased for $3 at the U.S./Mexico border, on the way back from a bender in Encenada, MX." Geoff is pretty clever and he keeps asking if he can see my tattoos. No, Geoff, you can't.

The Cup Runneth Over

I got a call last night. This guy that I knew in college and that I see from time to time and speak to fairly frequently called me up and it started out fairly innocuously. But before I knew it, I was agreeing to go out and meet him for a drink. I went out and we had fun and laughed like we always do. And I had a little more to drink than I probably should have and like I always do, got a little more flirtatious than I probably should have, and we ended up doing a little bit of kissin'.

Now I have a few problems and you should probably know a little bit of backgorund information.

1) I have had a crush on this guy FOREVER. We met when I was a freshman in college. This is a classic Lisa story. I coming back to my room in the dorms from the shower. He was in my room saying hello to my roommate who had a class with him. I walked into the room and, without looking, started talking about how I'd forgotten to bring a "feminine hygiene product" into the bathroom with me and I started rummaging around the room for the item. I heard some giggling behind me and I turned around and he said, "I think they're on your desk." I turned about 7 shades of red.

2) When I'm single, he's got a girlfriend. When he's single, I've got a boyfriend. We've just never been able to make it happen, so we've always just been friends.

Now I feel really bad for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is that I started dating a really great guy about 3 weeks ago and he's smart and sweet and cute and funny. I really like him a lot. I don't want to hurt him or mislead him. I guess that makes question one, do I tell him? And I guess that begs question two, which would be how much do I tell him?

I've known the other guy a lot longer and I've had a huge crush on him for god knows how long. Question three becomes: Do I owe it to myself to find out if there's something between us?

And should I pursue one at the expense of the other? Or pursue them both at the same time without telling one about the other? That seems a little too much like a bad episode of Three's Company. Plus, I'm a horrible liar.

Can someone email me here and give me some advice before my head explodes?

Inner Monologue From This Morning's Subway Ride

Note to the construction guys at my stop on the 4 train: The whistling thing, not working. Although I enjoy the occasional "mamacita," there's no way in hell your whistling is going to make me turn around and offer myself up to you. It's not that you're filthy, lewd, disgusting, sweaty, muscular, well-built ... hmm. So, you're in construction, huh?

Well, the results are in folks and the winner of the "Worst Trailer of 2003" goes to My Boss's Daughter, starring Ashton Kutcher and Tara Reid. When you combine the acting talents of these two professionals and add in the zany storyline of a guy looking to get promoted housesitting for the boss and losing his prized bird, how can this not be a winner? Honorable mention for Gigli, which appears as though it might be the biggest flop since Waterworld.

I would like, just once, not to be solicted on the subway. I'm usually very easy going about this, but all I ask for is one train ride where I'm not serenaded by three men, not asked to buy candy for a church/school basketball team, not given a speech by someone telling me that they are just looking to get back on their feet, not offered batteries for a dollar. Just one. I'm on the subway for 15 minutes. I just want one ride.

I caught Amelie last night and I have to say that this movie was even more wonderful the second time around. If you have not seen Amelie, please try to catch it. Audrey Tautou, who plays the lead, is absolutely spellbinding as the young woman who goes around doing good deeds to enrich the lives of the people who touch her life. If you have an aversion to foreign films, cast aside your fears. This is a very lighthearted movie and you will laugh out loud, I promise.

I caught a glimpse of the new male fashions of this season from Hugo Boss on TV. I'd like you to find me the American male who's going to wear a skin-tight, black shirt that exposes (via a hole) their left nipple. I've had my fair share of experience with American men, including the one that I'm seeing now, and I can tell you that the chances of this trend catching on anywhere but Greenwich Village are about the same as Osama Bin Laden winning B'nai Brith's "Man of the Year" award. Who on Earth are they marketing this product to?

I have to give credit where credit is due, NBC's "For Love Or Money" was not a bad show. It had some interesting switcheroo plot twists and a pretty decent shock ending for the contestant. However, Erin, you are a moron. You know how easy it was to outsmart the idiot guy who stepped up for this challenge. What makes you think you'll be able to outsmart all these guy? Granted, they are men but 1 out of 15 should be shrewd enough to screw you like you screwed Rob. I know you are looking for fame, not money but if you want some more advice I'm sure Evan from Joe Millionaire would be happy to call you and give you some.

Did I just say the word "switcheroo?"

Arrgh

If this busy period at work ever ends, I'll get back to writing some of my signature stuff. I'll do some "Inner Monologue," some interviews and a couple of quick stories.

As for now, my softball team won last night and the best part (other than the name, which as a reminder is "Barker's Beauties")? I got a hit! It was a little lame one, but I got to run the bases and everything. I only fell once too. It's a good thing I can laugh at myself. And get drunk after games.

Everyone have a great weekend!

About A Boy

What is it about a boy?

Is it that I can sit here, across from him, having only known him for 3 weeks and feel like I know exactly what he's going to say as the words are about to slip off of his lips? That the conversation flows as easily as it would have had I been there while he was growing up, when he graduated high school, when he fell in love for the first time, when he had his heart broken for the first time?

Is it that it doesn't matter that we're at a restaurant? That we could be on the couch, just laying there and not saying anything at all, just laying with each other on the couch in some old sweats or something and dozing off in each other's arm with the TV blabbing mindlessly and endlessly in the background? Even though that hasn't happened yet?

Is it that he's strong but not too strong, sensitive but not too sensitive, smart but not too smart, soft but not too soft? That's he's sweet and clumsy and cute and he can make me laugh out loud whenever he wants to?

Is it that I've been burned or disappointed or just plain let down time after time after time and I just don't get that sense sitting across this table righ tnow while we bullshit about time and jobs and music and movies and dogs and life and anything else that we can think of before the restaurant clears off the tables surrounding us and locks the door to send us the message that it's time we left even though it only feels like we've been sitting here for 30 minutes?

Is it that walking home with him doesn't seem like a chore or a task to be done so as not be rude? That it seems like the thing that feels most right, that I'm walking down the street on his arm and it feels like the sidewalks are empty and the air is clean and the streets are moving with grace and ease?

Or is it the way that he always ends the night by saying, "Good night, sweet girl" and I can't help but smile?